back in Czech

Lowell and I just spent the first night at the bamboo garden in Prague sleeping in a tent. It will be our home for at least a month. I am really excited about sleeping so close to the earth and being separated from the sky by a thin fabric wall. Sadly the weather is not quite summer-like so I'm grateful for our warm sleeping bags.

Coming from Asheville where I felt so at home and part of the Tea family I am happy to be sharing such special space with some of our closest friends. It definitely makes the transition of coming to another home much easier for me. 

I am looking forward to reconnecting with my Czech friends, finding new work opportunities and motivation for some side projects I would like to get involved in. Lowell and I are also going to take part in a yoga course for healthy back with Lucie Konigova, our beloved teacher. 

I would say life is pretty good these days!

Everyone has "something"

I spent my last week in the US with Lowell's family in Atlanta. We went whitewater rafting on the Ocoee river in Tennessee for a day. As I knew nothing about the river itself, I had no expections (and no fear). I imagined we were going to borrow a boat and float down the stream, maybe ocasionally slide down a mild rapid. If that was the case, Ocoee probably wouldn't be the site of the 1996 Olympic whitewater competition.

I was indeed grateful for each boat having a profesional guide after listening to rather scary safety procedure talk presented by a "baywatch-type" overly self-confident guy. I wasn't sure whether I was excited about this whole rafting trip.

I do have to confess that at this point the most amazing thing was that we were going to take a school bus up to the river! My dream would have been completely fulfilled if the bus was yellow, not blue. But I guess the rafting companies know well that none of the high-school kids are interested in riding yellow school buses during their school break.

After getting off of the bus we met our guide Tanner, a guy in his thirties who started joking with the first hand-shake and didn't stop until we stepped out of the water at the end of the trip. He was a true professional with obvious passion for rafting. We obediently followed his vigorous instructions without hesitation and laughed at his jokes and stories. Some parts of the river were quite intense and we would have definitely been screwed without Tanner. He handled everything with such ease and confidence, it really made us feel safe and allowed us the enjoy even the wildest rapids.

Not only I write about this because I think it is really important to choose the company you go rafting with wisely - pretty much your whole experience depends on how good your guide is. I simply just cherish being around people who enjoy what they do with such verve and they clearly do what they are meant to be doing. I have been thinking about this more and more recently. Probably because I am thinking about what that "something" I am supposed to be doing is for me. It is inspiring to be around people who are so obviously following their path, or even just part of it. And I think it is perfectly fine not to know what our "something" is quite yet. However the question to ask ourselves is: "Are we not trapped doing something that we know is definitely NOT our "something"?!"

Being present with negative emotions

The past week has been very challenging for me. I've been going in between days of complete joy to those filled with sadness and despair. I was enjoying myself one day and ready to leave Asheville immediately the next. If the situation allowed I would have probably left without saying good-bye to any of my friends. Without going into much detail about what happened and why I was experiencing such negative emotions, being basically forced to stay here and face them, was a great lesson for me. Not just because I would have missed an incredible mountain bike ride, a lovely waterfall skinny dip excursion, touching kirtan or dancing madness. I had to stay present with my emotions without an option to escape them (they would have probably caught me in Atlanta or later in Prague anyway, these guys don't care about geography). I got to feel everything I was supposed to feel without being able to push it away. And no matter how hard I tried, it didn't work anyway. So I cried, I was mad and confused and I observed all the feelings arising trying to make sense out of them.

Since I now feel a lot calmer, I had a chance to reflect on how I felt the past week and what lesson came out of it for me. I am grateful for the unfavorable conditions that didn't allow me to leave Asheville. I believe it is very important to stay present with any negative emotion we feel right when we are experiencing it. And just as it is not right to escape it, it is not smart to fight it with huge verve. Sometimes I feel like if I don't act, if I don't try to stop whatever unpleasant I am experiencing it will become worse and even more overwhelming, and the longer I wait to act the worse the situation will be. It is good to remember that it usually doesn't work this way. Sadness or disappointment is not going to go away just because I try scaring it off, or just because I try to overkill it with fake pleasure. My despair is not created by external factors even though it might seem like it is. Instead of getting angry at myself for not being able to resolve the situation, I can offer myself support and patience with myself. 

I can ask myself "what is it that I truly want right now at this moment?". And the answer probably wouldn't be "I truly want to leave right now and not see anyone ever again". Maybe it would be something like "I don't want to feel sad or confused, I truly want this feeling to pass". The good news is that if I wait and treat myself with kindness, it will pass! In the meantime all I can do is to breathe and remind myself that what I am experiencing is not something permanent, it is not my true nature, it is not my Self.