The past week has been very challenging for me. I've been going in between days of complete joy to those filled with sadness and despair. I was enjoying myself one day and ready to leave Asheville immediately the next. If the situation allowed I would have probably left without saying good-bye to any of my friends. Without going into much detail about what happened and why I was experiencing such negative emotions, being basically forced to stay here and face them, was a great lesson for me. Not just because I would have missed an incredible mountain bike ride, a lovely waterfall skinny dip excursion, touching kirtan or dancing madness. I had to stay present with my emotions without an option to escape them (they would have probably caught me in Atlanta or later in Prague anyway, these guys don't care about geography). I got to feel everything I was supposed to feel without being able to push it away. And no matter how hard I tried, it didn't work anyway. So I cried, I was mad and confused and I observed all the feelings arising trying to make sense out of them.
Since I now feel a lot calmer, I had a chance to reflect on how I felt the past week and what lesson came out of it for me. I am grateful for the unfavorable conditions that didn't allow me to leave Asheville. I believe it is very important to stay present with any negative emotion we feel right when we are experiencing it. And just as it is not right to escape it, it is not smart to fight it with huge verve. Sometimes I feel like if I don't act, if I don't try to stop whatever unpleasant I am experiencing it will become worse and even more overwhelming, and the longer I wait to act the worse the situation will be. It is good to remember that it usually doesn't work this way. Sadness or disappointment is not going to go away just because I try scaring it off, or just because I try to overkill it with fake pleasure. My despair is not created by external factors even though it might seem like it is. Instead of getting angry at myself for not being able to resolve the situation, I can offer myself support and patience with myself.
I can ask myself "what is it that I truly want right now at this moment?". And the answer probably wouldn't be "I truly want to leave right now and not see anyone ever again". Maybe it would be something like "I don't want to feel sad or confused, I truly want this feeling to pass". The good news is that if I wait and treat myself with kindness, it will pass! In the meantime all I can do is to breathe and remind myself that what I am experiencing is not something permanent, it is not my true nature, it is not my Self.
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